Yet another set of tragic backstories.

Yes, tragic indeed! If not in content, then in futility. Just a sad handful of tales, out of the unfathomable trillions that languish between varying degrees of unimportance.

So, I'm staking claim to the legacies of those who can't do the same. These trolls are the epitome of being capital N nobodies! They're the kind of people who take two slices of pie at a potluck they didn't contribute anything to besides showing up. But of course, we have to dedicate a variety special in their honor, otherwise they'd be seen as disposable at best. We need context. We need emotional investment!

One of these days, they'll hear the news. Imagine hitting third-rate stardom! And I've got nothing better to do while I wait for time to catch up with me.